Words My Mom Doesn't Want Me To Use

Many Words of Mental Health

This post is long overdue.  So are many, many others that are similar that I've half-written but are not completed and haven't published because I hate dealing with my own vulnerabilities and weaknesses. That's right.  Hate.  A word my mother banned me from using as a kid because it is so intense.  I remember her telling me that if you use the word hate regarding another person, you mean that you want them dead.  I'm sure I probably had used it towards my twin brother for hitting me... and ultimately I got in trouble for using a bad word rather than him getting in trouble for physical violence.  Of course I didn't want him dead... just to quit it with the wet willies. So hate is an intense word and I don't take that lightly. But it's appropriate right now.  The alternative would be saying that I can't do it... I'm unable... but that portrays weakness... and I'm perfect so I won't use that word.

Perhaps you've heard of the author Brene Brown.  I may have mentioned her in a past post, but honestly I can't remember.  She has written several books on various topics including, according to her website, "courage, vulnerability, shame, and empathy."  She has this quote on her home page: "I believe that you have to walk through vulnerability to get to courage, therefore...embrace the suck."  Ha! Suck is another word my mom wouldn't let us use as kids... funny how both of those words came up and a blog post was born.  I hate facing my own vulnerability so much that I was incapable of reading Brene Brown's book, Daring Greatly.  I tried. Multiple times.  I checked it out of the library, read the first chapter over and over again because I couldn't process it, and when I got the notice that it was due, I returned it.  My roommate really liked it and others by this author, and usually I agree with her taste in books, so I watched her Ted Talk on YouTube - which was OK... or tolerable - and checked the book out again.  Couldn't read it.  Physically incapable.  So I returned it and tried the audio book, but I never made it past her discussions of vulnerability.  It's dangerous to black out while you're driving but I felt like I tuned out the book and the whole world.  Specifically regarding Daring Greatly... and a few blog posts.... I can't walk through my vulnerability to get to the courage.  I'm a coward. Maybe I'll try to Dare Greatly again in 2019.

I've been writing this blog for many reasons... all of them selfish.  I'm not writing for you... I'm writing for me.  While I'm glad others are reading it, I don't actually care when a post only has 20 readers versus the more popular ones that have hundreds of views.  Oh!  There's another phrase I drove my mom crazy with as a kid... "I don't care."  She'd ask what I wanted for dinner... this was probably around 7th grade... and I'd say I didn't care.  But that's when I was trying to stop eating red meat so when meatballs or lamb chops showed up on my plate... I absolutely did care!  So many life lessons... thanks, mom!

Mom

Selfish or not - I'm hopeful that something I say helps other people.  I'm hoping some young physical therapists check out some of the continuing education courses I'm doing or some PT students learn from the mistakes I made earlier in my career. It would be awesome if suggestions I make help decrease some injuries in youth athletes or help people cope with their chronic pain.  When those more vulnerable posts do finally sneak onto the published side of the blog, I absolutely hope someone benefits from them... but I'm getting out what I'm putting in.  I won't pretend I'm doing this to be generous.  This blog has a much bigger purpose that has not yet reached full transparency.  Yet.

So why today's blog post?  A friend is in pain. Maybe not the physical pain that I treat in the clinic or chronic pain that I've written about so many times on this blog.  I'm not sure.   But there is suffering.  Sadness.  Emotion.  I got a phone call today and was told that they had decided to self-admit for inpatient mental health services a few days ago.  Only a very small number of people know and for some reason, I'm on the short list.  They wanted to know what I thought.  Talk about vulnerability.  Courage.  Strength. 

I think that others may be struggling who might need to hear this too. To be honest... when I'm having a down day... I need to hear these things myself.  Despite all my jokes, laughter, and smiles... I do have down days.  So here's what I think, and also some of what I told my friend.  And I'm sharing with whoever reads this... because it's the start of facing my own vulnerabilities.

1) Mental Health, per dictionary.com, is a) psychological well-being and satisfactory adjustment to society and to the ordinary demands of life; b) the field of medicine concerned with the maintenance or achievement of such well-being and adjustment.  Wikipedia says it's the absence of mental illness.  EVERYONE has a mental health status. And it isn't some concrete place that you're always going to be in. It's a fluid construct. There are times in life that are more stressful or more sad or overwhelmingly happy...  and your psychological well-being changes during those times. That doesn't make it pathological - or mental health illness.  But just by looking at someone - you really can't tell if a person has a pathological mental health or not.  Just like you can't tell I'm Jewish by looking at me... there's no sign on my forehead telling you these things you can't see.

Remember Robbin Williams?  He was a comedian and all around funny dude... and all you ever saw publicly as a fan of his movies was happy, jovial, doing voices Mrs. Doubtfire or Genie from Aladdin.  But underneath the skin was a dark place that most people couldn't have known about.  I refuse to believe he was sad all the time on the inside while happy all the time on the outside.  But I have no way of knowing.  And so - everyone has a mental health status - but more importantly - you never know what's going on with other people under the surface unless you ASK.

2) They are not alone.  I don't know what specific mental health circumstances my friend is going through. It's none of my business if they don't want to tell me.  I can be a supportive friend without details. Maybe other people react differently? What I do know from recent reading about mental health illnesses is that there are a long list of them - potentially including: anxiety, mood disorders, depression, body dysmorphia, PTSD, eating disorders, personality traits, social anxiety, diagnoses like schizophrenia or bipolar disorder, gender and sexuality issues... and TONS of people experience these problems. Unfortunately, this friend isn't the only person I know having some struggles right now.  The people I love are hurting... which hurts me, too. And so I told my friend about my own recent mental health journey and we couldn't understand why neither of us had discussed these things before now. Well... actually I don't talk about it because of that V word I talked about above... you know the one. Maybe that happens for a lot of people?

3) There's a lot of darkness going on in the world right now.  The news is sad. You can't go on social media without seeing really big issues - global warming, separation of children at the border, economic policy, gun control, starving countries, natural disasters.  All those big issues can make an individual feel pretty small and less important. But less important is NOT unimportant.  The holidays are coming up.  I'm personally looking forward to seeing more photos of children looking at Christmas Trees and Menorahs, families having meals together, and drowning out some of the bigger stuff.  Let's bring it all a little smaller, find ourselves a little bit, take a deep breath, and focus on the positives and things we can control.  Even if it's just for the month of December.

I can promise there will be more where this came from.  If you feel there is a negative tone to this post, you should know that in my head there is only optimism.  hope.  healing.  and love.