In the Spirit of Thanksgiving

The Family

I just returned from a great week on the East Coast celebrating Thanksgiving with my family. It's always great to see them, as well as my friends, but this year was more emotional than usual. My parents are moving to Florida after spending their entire lives in Connecticut and the future of family get-togethers now falls to the unknown. Though they may not realize it, they're the pillars of the family, the matriarch and patriarch. They're the glue that keeps everyone together. Without them in New England, it's hard to know when my whole immediate family will all be in one place. I think that's sad. It's also great for them to escape the snow... I did that five years ago and I've grown soft because of it. I hate to see snow, now, and can't really tolerate the cold the way I used to. I'm really happy for them to get away from the winter, enjoy more sunshine, and spend time with their friends who escaped the winters in the past.

Justin Timberlake 2/14/19

Fortunately my parents didn't move out of my childhood home this week... that occurred over a decade ago and I rarely spent the night at their most recent CT place. It had a lot of the same things in it that my childhood home did - similar artwork, family photos, the same board games they always beat me at, same dining room table and china closet, plus my parents. But it wasn't my old bedroom. There were no Justin Timberlake photos taped under the bottom of the top bunk where I had created a collage of all my favorites. My stuffed animals and high school yearbook never lived there. My sister's family was close by so if I wanted to stay in my hometown, I sometimes stayed with her.  Usually, though, I stay about 40 minutes away with my roommates from graduate school, one of which has been my friend for fifteen years, who keep a room available with a set of my pajamas in the closet (plus I never returned my key when I moved out), and they're more centrally located to all the places I tend to visit and closer to UConn and Boston-Logan airport.  Plus they have a really cute almost 3-year-old who wakes me up at the crack of dawn saying that the sun is up and I should be too... can't argue with that.

So with a lot of emotions of an unknown future and big changes staring me in the face, it seemed difficult to focus on gratitudes this Thanksgiving. I think I'm generally a grateful person. I pray with gratitudes. I try to see the positive in any situation. But at a time when gratitude should have been pouring out of me, I felt myself struggling to find what I'm most grateful for. And then I remembered the "Things I Take For Granted" list which I wrote on the super long flights back from Africa this summer. (I wrote about Africa on the blog here).

Things I take for granted (not listed in any particular order):

1) Fresh water, in the tap, that I can drink to my heart's content without immediately causing me diarrhea. 

2) Ice. In unlimited quantities. For making my water cold, or for use to deal with acute pain, or countless other ways I can use ice at home. 

3) Fresh fruit and vegetables that won’t make me sick because my fresh water does not contain parasites. 

4) Clean clothes, cleaned in a washing machine and with a dryer. 

5) My parents - who happen to be American, who happen to be white, who happen to live in the United States. Who love me unconditionally.  No child gets to choose their parents. No child gets to choose the color of their skin or where they are born. 

The Siblings

6) My siblings, and the fact that there are only 2 of them. Who support the ways I chose to spread my wings and leave the nest, even if it means thousands of miles between us and far too infrequent sibling selfies. Who manage the time change between the East Coast and West Coast with early morning or late night texts and regularly scheduled Happy Thursday phone calls.  Who came to visit me in Seattle, met my Seattle friends, and saw first-hand the beauty of this side of the country.

7) My friends. Near and far. Who helped make Seattle feel like home. Who meet up for sushi on a moment's notice. Who keep in touch despite the distance and time change. Who let me share in the joys of their children's milestones while I simultaneously laugh at them for having moved onto the diapers and minivan lifestyle. Whose husbands and parents are kind and willingly take the kids so we can have friend time. Who have seen me at my worst but love me anyways. Who tell me the truth, to my face, even when I don't want to hear it.

8) Hot showers. As hot as I want. All the time. And not wondering if the water might be hotter if I wait a little bit longer.  Or needing someone to heat the water to have it poured over my head. Or that one time when I got so excited to have a hot shower after a few too many cold ones that I left it running and woke up my travel buddy, Kristen, and told her she had to jump in immediately so she could have a hot shower, too!

9) Brushing my teeth using the sink rather than a bottle of water. 

10) My education. The fact that it was available to me, at the highest level, provided by excellent schools and professors from my littlest years all the way through graduate school. That, even though I’m still paying for it for the next several years, is ultimately affordable and a choice that I made, and was able to make. I chose to attend the University of Connecticut. I could have chosen elsewhere or not to pursue higher education - and I still could have had a successful career in this country. Being a female in the United States allows for access to feminine hygiene products, which are often a limiting factor around the world for why young women must stop attending school. 11) So I guess I also take tampons and maxi-pads for granted.  And similarly birth control pills and contraceptive methods which considerably restrict accidental pregnancy, where many women around the world do not have access to these items or are mistreated if they are caught using them.

12) My home, which is cozy, well-heated in the cold season with ample blankets and a fireplace, cool enough in the summertime, with running water and apparently endless electricity, with a secure roof over my head and a roommate who consistently cleans the bathroom. 

13) My job. Which gives me a generous salary to do work that I love, that gives me the opportunity to have enough money to buy things I want. Which I can have despite being a woman, (which I believe pays me equitably to the men who work alongside me with similar amounts of experience), which won’t kick me out if I ever choose to have children and will make it possible for me to breast feed if I ever choose to do so. And which empowers me to grow and supports my individual career goals.

14) Paved roads that don’t have livestock freely roaming alongside them and which allows me to drive my vehicle, which I own, rather than walk carrying my goods on my head. 

15) My health.  My access to healthcare when something is not right, including access to well-educated doctors who can prescribe medications that are readily available if that's what's needed. My ability to communicate with a variety of specialists who will explain their findings to me and answer all my questions to help me advocate for my own well-being.  My ability to openly use mental health providers - who are readily available- something that does not exist in other parts of the world. 

16)  The ability to choose my own spouse- man or woman- because I do not belong to a tribe where my father could choose my husband in exchange for 10 cows, as a teenager, where my husband could have multiple wives, where I could be living in a country whose laws would imprison me if I chose to marry a woman.  This is the case in at least one of the tribes in Tanzania, who have ancient beliefs, that I can respect but which I do not agree with, and for which I'm now realizing how much gratitude I have for being born in the United States to Jewish parents who passed on religious beliefs that help me to appreciate other peoples' beliefs, but which are vastly different from what I learned about on this trip.

17) My bed, which does not require a mosquito net over it, which I own, which I do not have to share, which is not on the floor, and which is clean. 

18) Women's basketball. Or just basketball in general. Or women's sports. Because some places in the world can't afford to allow their children to grow up playing games. Some places in the world have children sent away from home at young ages, into the fields and working manual labor jobs. For sure those places won't be having their girls playing a sport, for fun or for a career. Probably not the boys either.

19) Did I already mention Justin Timberlake? And the Goo Goo Dolls?  Access to concerts of my favorite musicians? There was some really interesting music in Africa, but they didn't have my favorites.  

20) This blog. Where I can say whatever I want.  Which I use to collect new bits of knowledge and then share those with the world. Which I write on my personal laptop and include photos taken on my personal cell phone. And that I then go ahead to share on unrestricted social media with all my friends and family.  I'm sure my mom will read this, and at least three other people, all of whom I'm surely taking for granted.

Reality check. There's so much I'm grateful for and I'm certain I've missed more.  But these are the things I realized I missed while I traveled to a place considered to be less fortunate than the USA. It was helpful to have a reminder of all these things when I needed it most. As we head through this holiday season, I hope everyone is able to spend time with their families and the people who mean the most to them. Most of my favorite people are far away and I don't know when I'll get to see them next, but whenever that is, I'll be grateful.